Interesting word – compare. I looked this up in the dictionary and here is the main definition: to examine (two or more objects, ideas, people, etc.) in order to note similarities and differences.
Another interesting note I found stated: compare emphasizes the similarities between or among things, though not losing sight of the differences; contrast emphasizes the differences.
So what do we really mean when we say – Don’t compare yourself to others? We seem to have rewritten the definition of this word to be a synonym for contrast. I know for me, this sentence brings to mind that I would focus on the differences and especially on those I found lacking in myself, and thus bring my self image down. When we compare ourselves to others, and focus on the negative, we never win.
Yet, what are we usually comparing? What we usually do is compare our worst or our weaknesses to someone else’s best or their strengths. Does this make sense? Of course not! Unless all things are equal (i.e. family history, diet through the years, activity level, body shape, height, etc.), then we’re really not comparing like things, so it’s not a valid comparison. We’re really finding the contrasts – we’re focusing on how we are different, not how we are alike.
And even the act of identifying what’s different isn’t necessarily negative or destructive. Where we get in trouble is then making the CHOICE to label one thing as better than another. We decide that we are not as good. What’s great about that is that we can also decide to rewrite this particular story.
We can’t change our height, our general body shape, the size of our feet. So what good does it do to compare that to someone else and wish we had their height, body shape or foot size. If you got inside their head, they would more than likely have their own set of comparisons that cause them to be unhappy about themselves.
What a waste of our energy. Focus on what brings you joy. Find a way to rewrite your story about your imagined shortcomings. Yes – you are responsible for deciding they are shortcomings so pony up and decide what great about them! Free yourself to be your best YOU.
QUESTIONS FOR THE BLOG
- Who have you compared yourself to? Did it ever make you feel better? Or worse?
- How would you finish this sentence…’I wish I were more like…because they are…’. Now change the beginning of this sentence and say…’I admire this person because they are…’ If you take your ego out of the comparison, does that change make you feel any different?
ABUNDANT HEALTHY LIVING ACTION
- Here’s a challenge. Every morning, for at least a week, look in the mirror, look into your own eyes and say: I love you exactly as you are. Repeat it more than once. Notice how your body feels after you say this a few times.
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Great message and I agree 100% - comparing ourselves with others can be counterproductive.
ReplyDeleteWe have to be the best version of ourselves and love ourselves for who we are. At the same time learn from & be inspired by other's successes and strengths. I've gotten better at this with age and maturity. The good news for me this week is that I lost seven pounds since last Monday. A MAJOR accomplishment for me. I also lost 1 inch on each of my measurements. I'm also feeling alot more focused, disciplined and motivated. It's amazing how thinking outside the box and changing up your approach a little while setting short term and long term goals can pay big dividends on this journey. I'm most proud that I am making progress through a workable plan crafted expressly for and by Betty.
P.S. I realize that a 7 pound loss is not typical for one week, but because of the level of effort that week, that's what the scale said. I'm looking for continued, steady, & healthy loss, the more the merrier until my goals are met - then maintaining a healthy weight. Until then,I know the loss per week will vary. My short and long term goals are identified, weigh-in on Mondays & log are routine, and the journaling is helping too. Productive daily exercise is happening. Portion control and choices are on target. Quiet time for positive reflection is a must. And what's wonderful about it all is that I am enjoying myself and feeling great. I owe the Abundant Healthy Living group another thank you at this time. You all are my role models and help to keep me heading in the right direction. Your support and encouragement have been invaluable.
ReplyDeleteWow, Betty, your post motivates me to have a really great week. I need a nice jump start like that. Just one more day with the kids and the fun craziness and then I will settle down for a solid AHL Week. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Gerri. I used to do lots of non productive comparison and find that I really don't any more. Because of AHL, I know that I will never be tall and skinny and I know if I am not getting the results that I want, I am just not making enough good choices. I am allowing something else to have more priority in my life. Very Empowering!
ReplyDeleteCongrats Betty on the donation of several pounds back to the universe. It's nice to get a jumpstart like that - gets the metabolism and mindset going in the right direction. I know with your continued discipline and dedication your wellness journey will continue to inspire many of us.
ReplyDeleteGreat post Gerri and WOW! Betty.
ReplyDeleteI have found that I don't compare myself to people much anymore - after a lifetime of doinf just that. But I am still getting happy about who I see in the mirror - although I like her more and more. AHL has really helped me to find peace about a lot of things that used to eat at me.
Love, Tee
It is easier to smile these days - releasing the 'need' to compare is one of the most empowering things we can do. Then the focus is on what we have control over - us - our decisions - our beliefs. When I do catch myself in that comparison trap, I stop and take a moment to think of those things I appreciate about myself and my life. Focusing on gratitude is a great way to shift into a more empowering mindset.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I compare myself not to other people but to that 'perfect' version of me that I carry around in my head.
ReplyDeleteWe are imperfect human beings and that is OK. Remember the AHL Principle that we are OK just the way we are.
Hope that everyone is enjoying this wonderful June weekend. I am looking forward to tonight's full moon and fire flies.